Mean Girls

I took almost 8-year old Zelda* to Starbucks after school just to do something positive... honestly I've had a crappy couple of days and I was selfishly just trying to cheer myself up.

I talked to her about friends.

She got in trouble for licking a friend she was mad at, I mean... she was provoked, but DUDE-- don't lick someone. That's like a ticket to no friends.

anyway

I told her "if someone doesnt care about your feelings, they are not a good friend"

i said "who do you feel cares about your feelings in class"

Z- Tina and Fancy*

Me- Okay-- then only stick around them for awhile. I only have 2 really good friends, right? Who are my 2 good friends?

Z- Maxi and Rita*

Me- Right. I have other moms I like a lot and who make me laugh, but Maxi and Rita care about my feelings and would forgive me if I made a mistake. I'm not afraid to upset them or that they'll change their mind about being my friend. THAT is the kind of friend you want.

I fucking HATE that all kids are doomed to go thru the cycle of all this shit and no words of wisdom will really change that... but I guess we still have to try.

Daddy added this nugget for her to ponder: If someone isn't nice to everyone, they're not nice.

* names have been changed ;)

Garage Organization... Don't be a Hoarder.

As much as I'd love to fit both our cars in our garage, It's just more efficient for us to use the extra space for organization of backpacks, arts and crafts, and shoes, and put the main family car in there.  Our laundry room is also in there, and I wanted to find a way to make it feel like a room instead of just two machines shoved in a corner...

I also like the idea of hanging photos you aren't using up in the garage.

BEFORE

AFTER

Arts & Crafts stuff

Carving out a laundry room in the garage

Ideally, I'd have a spacious laundry room upstairs... but I don't.  Nor do I have much of a budget to transform this space into a separate laundry room:

So, I painted (less than a quart of paint needed, I used leftover paint from my son's room) $0, and bought a wooden border for the window and painted it white $10, bought a collage frame from Amazon $9, replaced the bare light bulb with a fixture we took from the kitchen (we out a fan light in there) $0, and used a shelf and some other frames that weren't in use, plus made a curtain out of some leftover fabric.  Hung the laundry baskets on he wall with simple hardware $5.  Put down carpet remnants $0...It feels so much nicer!

The day my (oldest) daughter got her ears pierced

That was a reeeeaaallllllly sweet day with Zoe.

I totally recommend waiting til at least 7 yrs old so you can have a mom daughter memory that she will remember.

She really appreciated it and felt grown up and it was def bonding time.

And we went to Cali pizza kitchen and I let her do the ordering

It was very sweet

And she said "I don't really like when people call me cute"

I said what do you like?

She said "adorable"

And after at lunch I said "how do you feel?"

"Grown up? Excited?"

She said "brave"

I totally get doing it as a baby Bc it's "easier" ... But miss out on this day? No way!

And omg a tattoo parlor? She would have flipped.

She barely made it thru this place and she had a lollipop and a stuffed bear to hold from them... The second the lady said "okay, ready?" She welled up with tears and got really upset

But I said "do you want to do it still?"

She nodded vigorously as she cried

I said, just focus on the lollipop, don't move a muscle and wait for it to be over

She closed her eyes the whole time.

She did great.

She cried more after the first one, and we decided at lunch that worst part was the noise. She said the noise scared her.

It was loud by her ear and she didn't think there would be any noise

It was such a great day it was a great bonding thing!

She told me she was really proud of herself and felt brave.

And at lunch she said I should post it in facebook and tell her what people say!

My version of fast food

Even if it were healthy, fast food is expensive.

When I need a really quick meal, here is one of my go-tos for my family of five... And I use leftovers in lunches for the next day.

I pick up 3 bags of Whole Foods brand vegan fried rice and some broccoli crowns.

Total cost for all of this? $11.

The rice cooks up pretty fast and just at the end, I put the cut up broccoli in top and steam it for just a couple minutes.

Done.  That's it.

Fun FoodFootnote:  For those screaming "Where's the protein?!" Did you know that broccoli has more protein per calorie than steak? :). Even though you wouldn't eat as many calories in broccoli as steak in one sitting, it's important to note, many Americans are way off about how much protein they need in their diet.  (It's like saying "I need to make sure I'm getting enough oxygen!") You'd do better worrying about fiber.  The minimum amount of protein any plant has is 14% and if you ate only plants all day on a 2000 calorie diet, that's means you'd be getting around 70g of protein.  (Daily rec for women is 30-50 and men 50-70).

At this time

Note to self...

Don't try to to make your life something it isn't only because of what other lives look like immediately surrounding you.

It would be like skipping around in a book instead of reading the story as it unfolds.

I have 3 young children. I have friends with no kids... With 1 kid just starting the parenting gig... With kids way older than mine.  I can't be on their chapter, I need to be in my chapter.  My chapter has 

Title free time, no nights out, lots of mess, wiping and exhaustion. I can't be bogged down with pressure to be glamorous while simultaneously always having clean laundry or helping with homework, then breezing out for a drinking night out with girlfriends.   For me, it's too much.  I don't have the resources to make that work without feeling burned out.

For many years I tried to hang on things I did before parenthood...not to lose myself..  But, for me anyway... The journey of being pregnant and birthing three PEOPLE was exactly that... A recreation of identity.  I know more now than I did at 27 when I became a mother.  Of course I am different... If I wasn't i would have failed to grow.

I'll embrace this chapter, for, as long as it feels (8 years running so far), I will be in a new chapter soon enough.  No need to rush and try to live two chapters at once.  Let me embrace where I am, what I have, and what life is NOW.  Then I'll see what the next chapter's got for me. ;)

Notes from Facebook

Talking with my friend tonight helped me remember some good tips from the last 7+ years of parenthood... pasting here for future tipping... :)
Would love tocome back sometimes and turn this into a true post-- but for now(and in case that doesn't happen), I don't want to lose the tidbits...

On sleep...

I'd leave a little TINY lamp on, and put a bunch of audio books on an iPod dock ona loop-- and leave her in there

Let her know she DOES not have to sleep--but it is time to be quiet and read or rest

• this week I noticed R. winds down faster if I leave his door wide open-- i tell him, "I promise I'm coming back but I have too__________ (check on Teagan/go pee pee)" I always come back but not til after he is asleep-- I keep the promise and pat him

and R does better if I am upbeat and silly before I go-- not quiet

So, I might eat his toes (though the crib bars) or sneak my hand in to tickle his chin... ask him "What was the most fun today? Playing with Tali? Eating yogurt? Did you play with play doh?" and take him thru the day

• 
  
  

  
  

  i wind him UP a little bit so he doesnt feel like Im pressuring him to sleep and then I show I'll be back real quick (I am back, just not too quick) and I make it a point to come back before he is asleep at least twice a week---another thing that worked with Zoe--- I'd put all her laundry away but not engage her-- so I was in the room, singing to myself but just doing tasks
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On kids and blogging:

I went to a Parent Connect this morning on the kids' blogfolios in the school (every kid has their own blog and the idea is to make a "portfolio" of work from K-8 that they take to high school-- it helps getting into magnet schools that are top rated etc)

they talked about how if you can't read email, navigate the internet, etc-- you are Illiterate

the definition of Literacy changes with technology

just reading words on a page isnt sufficient to be literate--- which means you can't be a good communicator-- which is the basis of all education

she was saying how getting family and friends to comment (quality comment-- which is another cool thing, every student creates a Comment Guidelines outlining their requirements for comments-- it's all part of learning to be a Digital Citizen) motivates them to write and create

but I like that they dont just pretend the internet is a separate thing-- they TEACH them "Digital Citizenship"... making them literate

it was really a good talk

and she (4th/5th grade Language Arts teacher, see her blog here) gave some examples of why writing on their blogs is wonderful-- they cite things by hyperlinking them (versus a footnote) making it more credible-- and people can comment, so they know it isnt a paper that ends up in the trash-- but that people might respond to it and share their perspective which opens their learning-- AND-- makes them WANT to write more. It also helps them find THEIR voice.

Like most comments are "Good job!" or "That's awesome" which is useless... the idea is for the writer to see their work ina new way which makes the full circle of everyone gaining something new

and she also said "Connect Don't Correct"

so-- don't use a comment to correct someone's errors-- the reason you are there is to make a connection and correcting will come with time

anyway-- I just share this stuff because it's so interesting and I feel like I stored away nuggets when Zoe was tiny and remember them and it just kind of plants a seed for one little facet of parenthood-- it helps!