Conflicting message

For me, it's important to model good choices for my kids.

I don't think it's fair to say "do as I say and not as I do". (Except for dessert frequency.)

So, this conflicting message really bothers me and I'm not really sure how to reconcile it to them.  They are KIDS. As adults we can reconcile it... But as a kid... It's a mixed message.  

Both messages are true. It IS important not to get too cliquey and to be inclusive.

It's also true that you should choose to be around people who support you, care about your well being, and don't drain you.

I certainly don't include everyone. In fact, in a new situation, I prefer now to ha g back and really scope things out for awhile (months, even).  Why? It's almost impossible to break up with a friend. I don't want to be in that position.  And when I notice another mom who seems to drain people of positivity, to speak badly of others, etc... I want to keep a healthy distance. I want to keep evolving and becoming better and more confident and sure of myself and who I am.  I need other positive, strong people around me for that.

So, I kind of hate that we tell our kids to include everyone, even though I understand the why.  It just seems harsh to expect of them what we mostly don't do ourselves... or even identify as harmful in some ways.