"Louis CK parenting".
Pretty much everything Louis CK has ever said about his philosophy on parenting... I passionately agree.
He said to Terri Gross that when your kids ask you questions "just tell them the truth, don't give them some hocus pocus answer". He was talking about what a big deal it is to have sex with someone and that you shouldn't rush into it, but not to give some reason like, "Jesus will be mad"... tell the truth, "Because you'll feel bad. You'll feel really bad. It's a big deal, you have to really know the person... and if you treat it like it's NOT a big deal, the big deal-ness of it will come back and confront you, showing you what a big deal it actually is" (this is almost word for word, but not exact.)
This has been my philosophy. I don't want there to be a day any of my kids stops and realizes I gave them smoke and mirrors because I didn't want to be uncomfortable, or even because I thought they were too young. There is a way to tell the truth to any kid, any age, I believe.
When she was 5, my daughter asked me where babies come from. I was pregnant and she was confused how the baby got in there. I told her the whole shebang... penis goes into vagina, sperm race, whichever sperm wins determines whether it's a girl or boy depending on whether a boy sperm or girl sperm won the race-- that was really the only part she cared about. She wanted to see it-- so I found a cool video on Baby Center of the sperm racing to the egg. I explained that she can always ask me anything, but this was something she couldn't share with friends. Only parents can tell the answers to these questions to their own kids, or we'd both be in trouble.
Two years later, at 7, she asked me "What if a boy really wants to be a girl, or a girl really wants to be a boy?" I took a moment... and thought about the future-- who know how my three tiny kids will identify.. so I wanted to be honest. I told her what transgender and gay meant-- better I explain it, is how I felt-- and show compassion around it. And that it's a tough thing to go through and it's more rare, like being Jewish, etc. Again, I told her it wasn't something she could share with her friends, like when I told her where babies come from.
"You told me where babies come from?"
Um, Yes!
"Oh. I don't remember any of that."
So... see? It's not as big of a deal as you think. They just want a true answer they can immediately forget. :)
But, really... I love Louis CK's parenting philosophies...
Roles have all changed. There’s a lot of fathers who take care of their kids, there’s a lot of mothers who have careers. But in culture, those roles are still the same. When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. A waitress said to my kids the other day, “Isn’t that nice that you’re getting to have a little lunch with your daddy?” And I was insulted by it, because I’m like, I’m f**king taking them to lunch, and then I’m taking them home, and then I’m feeding them and doing their homework with them and putting them to bed. She’s like, Oh, this is special time with daddy. Well, no, this is boring time with daddy, the same as everything. -LCK
You know when you see a mother someplace, like at McDonalds, and she’s melting down on her kid. She’s like, ‘Shut up. I hate you and you’re ugly.’ And people are sitting around and saying, ‘Oh my goodness. She’s a horrible mother.’ Guess what? Those people aren’t f**king parents. They don’t have kids. Because any parents that are in that store are saying, ‘What did that sh*tty kid do to that poor woman?'” -LCK
“A kid asks [her distraught parent] a question like, ‘Why is the sky blue?’ And her mom is like, ‘Just shut up and eat your french fries.’ And you think, ‘What a terrible mother. Why doesn’t she answer her child? When I have a child I will answer all of their questions. And open their minds to the wonders of the world.’ Well, guess what. You don’t know what the f*ck you’re talking about. You can’t answer a kid’s question. They don’t accept any answer. They’re never like, ‘Oh. Thanks. Now I get it.’ They just keep coming, ‘Why, why, why, why?’ until you don’t even know who the f*ck you are anymore at the end of the conversation. -LCK
It’s hard having kids because it’s boring... It’s just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red Dog to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page, and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time.
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