Originally posted: Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Whose choice is it, really?
What if: "Nowadays" Kids are (in general) unmotivated, irresponsible and have a sense of entitlement because of childproofing?
Now-- I can already see almost everyone reading this post commenting with a rebuttal.
But-- here is my point.
In the last 15+ years we have REALLY amped up this childproofing thing. Knob locks, cabinet locks, toilet seat locks, gates, outlet plugs... the list goes on. You know what childproofing was 100 years ago? Saying "NO!".
So... that's what my husband and I decided to do when my oldest started crawling. Of course we put a gate at the top and bottom of the stairs, but we didn't close it all the time. We wanted Zoe to learn to climb up and down.
We also didn't move any of our stuff out of reach (and I am sorry, but I have to say it drives me NUTS when other moms come over for playdates and move my stuff up high)--- we employed the practice of saying, "No!"... you know... parenting?
We had a FULL Christmas tree when Zoe was 15 mos old and for one month taught her over and over which ornaments she could touch and how to touch the tree gently (poke poke).
I know in 2011 this is blasphemy! Even the pediatrician ardently asks if you've childproofed your home before she would ever ask what types of food you're feeding baby, if you are keeping baby rear-facing in the car, etc.
Listen, I know the association may be far-fetched.
But, in a time when more and more people--and kids--- won't be accountable, I wonder about the lessons they learned that their parents didn't know they were teaching.
I have two kids-- I totally get the chaos of it all.
But, what about letting them make mistakes? There are tribes that live on cliffs, keeps sharp tools lying about on the ground--- those babies don't get hurt. Why? Because they learn to be afraid of that--- the curiosity is answered by the parents.
They always say the kid falls in the pool the ONE time you leave it open. (By no means am I advocating no protection around a pool here.)
All of these things give both parent and child a false sense of reality---and security.
If we start off this way, where do we go?
It's 2011 and we are more careful than ever with everything-- what we say, do, eat, etc.
But what about what we DON'T say? Or what we let products say for us?
Moderation is good.
But, I think it's important to know if what you are doing for your kids is what you feel is right--- your instincts tell you it's right--- or if you're just following the masses.
It's like baby formula--- it really isn't for every mother and baby. It's for those who can't breastfeed. But now it's the norm, and we're not supposed to question it. It's personal choice. But-- is it? If you were still YOU, but born in Rwanda (highest country for breastfeeding rate at 94%), would it be your choice?
I use disposable diapers because that's what I saw growing up... it's "normal". But, I wish I saw different choices because I'd rather use cloth--- the change just seems so big.
This is a lesson for me. It hits every aspect of my life.
Who cared about organic until we started hearing it in the media? But it's always been important.
Same with sunscreen.
Back to childproofing! I don't want to let all of these great new inventions and products get in the way of my mothering.
I don't want to look a my grown children and realize I followed the pack because it soothed me-- and I could blame them later. I'm so sorry to my in-laws, but justifying drinking all through her 3 pregnancies in the 60s and 70s because "the research wasn't out and everyone was doing it" is a crappy answer to me. What about what her instincts told her? Or stopping to think that if you wouldn't give a Manhattan to a baby, you might not want to give it to a fetus.
I plan to do some mindful parenting here and there.
My first task is going to be asking myself it what I am about to do/buy/say feels good, feels right, and works for the kind of mother and woman I want to be in the world... even if no one else I know is doing it.
Now-- I can already see almost everyone reading this post commenting with a rebuttal.
But-- here is my point.
In the last 15+ years we have REALLY amped up this childproofing thing. Knob locks, cabinet locks, toilet seat locks, gates, outlet plugs... the list goes on. You know what childproofing was 100 years ago? Saying "NO!".
So... that's what my husband and I decided to do when my oldest started crawling. Of course we put a gate at the top and bottom of the stairs, but we didn't close it all the time. We wanted Zoe to learn to climb up and down.
We also didn't move any of our stuff out of reach (and I am sorry, but I have to say it drives me NUTS when other moms come over for playdates and move my stuff up high)--- we employed the practice of saying, "No!"... you know... parenting?
We had a FULL Christmas tree when Zoe was 15 mos old and for one month taught her over and over which ornaments she could touch and how to touch the tree gently (poke poke).
I know in 2011 this is blasphemy! Even the pediatrician ardently asks if you've childproofed your home before she would ever ask what types of food you're feeding baby, if you are keeping baby rear-facing in the car, etc.
Listen, I know the association may be far-fetched.
But, in a time when more and more people--and kids--- won't be accountable, I wonder about the lessons they learned that their parents didn't know they were teaching.
I have two kids-- I totally get the chaos of it all.
But, what about letting them make mistakes? There are tribes that live on cliffs, keeps sharp tools lying about on the ground--- those babies don't get hurt. Why? Because they learn to be afraid of that--- the curiosity is answered by the parents.
They always say the kid falls in the pool the ONE time you leave it open. (By no means am I advocating no protection around a pool here.)
All of these things give both parent and child a false sense of reality---and security.
If we start off this way, where do we go?
It's 2011 and we are more careful than ever with everything-- what we say, do, eat, etc.
But what about what we DON'T say? Or what we let products say for us?
Moderation is good.
But, I think it's important to know if what you are doing for your kids is what you feel is right--- your instincts tell you it's right--- or if you're just following the masses.
It's like baby formula--- it really isn't for every mother and baby. It's for those who can't breastfeed. But now it's the norm, and we're not supposed to question it. It's personal choice. But-- is it? If you were still YOU, but born in Rwanda (highest country for breastfeeding rate at 94%), would it be your choice?
I use disposable diapers because that's what I saw growing up... it's "normal". But, I wish I saw different choices because I'd rather use cloth--- the change just seems so big.
This is a lesson for me. It hits every aspect of my life.
Who cared about organic until we started hearing it in the media? But it's always been important.
Same with sunscreen.
Back to childproofing! I don't want to let all of these great new inventions and products get in the way of my mothering.
I don't want to look a my grown children and realize I followed the pack because it soothed me-- and I could blame them later. I'm so sorry to my in-laws, but justifying drinking all through her 3 pregnancies in the 60s and 70s because "the research wasn't out and everyone was doing it" is a crappy answer to me. What about what her instincts told her? Or stopping to think that if you wouldn't give a Manhattan to a baby, you might not want to give it to a fetus.
I plan to do some mindful parenting here and there.
My first task is going to be asking myself it what I am about to do/buy/say feels good, feels right, and works for the kind of mother and woman I want to be in the world... even if no one else I know is doing it.
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