Most new moms are thrilled with each tiny thing-- they are amazed by every step, every expression, each thing they are willing to try. They report all the new things they do as if it contributes to the definition of who their baby is--- as a clue to their personality. Experienced moms know, that you can't really tell exactly which things are defining as a baby or even as 1-2 year old until you can look back a few years down the line. But-- we so want to know who our children will be, we are always looking for clues. I think new moms just look harder (at least I did with my first baby).
Experienced moms know that, in general, babies are born without all the crap we take on as we get older and are --in general- freer spirits. I'm not as amazed by what my kids will do anymore as I am hopeful they don't lose their "unencumberedness" over time.
"He really loves books", or "he is so brave, he's such a boy", or "she is such a little mommy", or "he just loves dogs" or "she can sleep anywhere" or "she'll talk to anyone"... before 2 years old---they are all explorations. Some turn out to be defining, some turn out to be just testing the world and change as they grow. I guess what I'm offering here is unsolicited advice... if I could go back, I'd try to let go of "looking for clues" and look at my (oldest) baby as a my teacher. No matter who she becomes, she is here, unburdened, open to life. She is almost 7 now, and she is more frightened of dogs, when she used to stop and let dogs push her down and lick her when she was 1- that cracked her up. She is shy now and it sometimes takes a few meetings before she talks to people. She's incredibly smart, but doesn't have the free confidence of her 18 month old self. She is an incredible artist (INCREDIBLE) even though she didn't draw a stick figure til 3 years old. She still wakes up at night and wants us even though she started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old and did so til she was two. She often lets her little sister take the lead. She panics at the thought of being on stage despite frequent "shows" at home. She is so different from when she was 18 months old... But more amazing than I could have imagined. (And yet, my middle child has been comedic since she was born.)
I guess I didn't realize how much we want them to stay little but at the same time push to find out who they are. But-- we'd never find out who they are if they stayed little!
I'm still working on it-- but trying to WATCH rather than interpret.
It's a journey for sure.
Experienced moms know that, in general, babies are born without all the crap we take on as we get older and are --in general- freer spirits. I'm not as amazed by what my kids will do anymore as I am hopeful they don't lose their "unencumberedness" over time.
"He really loves books", or "he is so brave, he's such a boy", or "she is such a little mommy", or "he just loves dogs" or "she can sleep anywhere" or "she'll talk to anyone"... before 2 years old---they are all explorations. Some turn out to be defining, some turn out to be just testing the world and change as they grow. I guess what I'm offering here is unsolicited advice... if I could go back, I'd try to let go of "looking for clues" and look at my (oldest) baby as a my teacher. No matter who she becomes, she is here, unburdened, open to life. She is almost 7 now, and she is more frightened of dogs, when she used to stop and let dogs push her down and lick her when she was 1- that cracked her up. She is shy now and it sometimes takes a few meetings before she talks to people. She's incredibly smart, but doesn't have the free confidence of her 18 month old self. She is an incredible artist (INCREDIBLE) even though she didn't draw a stick figure til 3 years old. She still wakes up at night and wants us even though she started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old and did so til she was two. She often lets her little sister take the lead. She panics at the thought of being on stage despite frequent "shows" at home. She is so different from when she was 18 months old... But more amazing than I could have imagined. (And yet, my middle child has been comedic since she was born.)
I guess I didn't realize how much we want them to stay little but at the same time push to find out who they are. But-- we'd never find out who they are if they stayed little!
I'm still working on it-- but trying to WATCH rather than interpret.
It's a journey for sure.
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