Originally posted: Sunday, June 13, 2010
Can both things be true?
I just read an article in July's O Magazine by Martha Beck. It's about two things being true at once--two opposing things. Like--- can a guy be a player, but also The One, etc. I read this thinking about my mom. My mom is wonderful. She loves her granddaughters, lavishes them with attention and gifts and hugs. She is also a huge source of stress for me, often living in a fantasy which I waver between participating in (to make her happy) and denouncing (when it gets to be too much). Can she be both things at once? Yes.
My mother is from the generation (and particular family) that feels it's best to just sweep things under the rug and paste on a happy facade. When I get the nerve up to refuse this from time to time, I am The Problem.
I am at a crossroads-- well, truthfully I have been here for years stalling--- but I think I am at the edge of finally picking a road. I know which way I'm going to go, but it's not easy. It's not easy to go against someone you love. It's not easy, even when you know living authentically and wholly depends on it.
When I hear stories of abused people (just making a connection here), I never understand why it is so hard for them to accuse their tormentor... don't they know it's obvious to the world who is wrong? But, I get it. No situation is just one thing.
Both things can be true.
Finding your own boundaries in the mess--- so you can live your best life--- is the hard part.
My mother is from the generation (and particular family) that feels it's best to just sweep things under the rug and paste on a happy facade. When I get the nerve up to refuse this from time to time, I am The Problem.
I am at a crossroads-- well, truthfully I have been here for years stalling--- but I think I am at the edge of finally picking a road. I know which way I'm going to go, but it's not easy. It's not easy to go against someone you love. It's not easy, even when you know living authentically and wholly depends on it.
When I hear stories of abused people (just making a connection here), I never understand why it is so hard for them to accuse their tormentor... don't they know it's obvious to the world who is wrong? But, I get it. No situation is just one thing.
Both things can be true.
Finding your own boundaries in the mess--- so you can live your best life--- is the hard part.
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