How Do you want to be remembered?

So this is a question a lot of older people get asked when they are being interviewed.

I don't fully know how I'd answer that, but today a piece of it came to me...

"I'd like to be remembered as someone people felt they could be their real selves with, whether they knew me 5 minutes or 5 years".

Being Uncomfortable

I heard last week on NPR that the primary feeling associated with the act of compassion is... discomfort.

It was an epiphany for me.

Since becoming a parent 8+ years ago, I recognize that my biggest weakness is probably compassion.  I like to keep things moving, I can't stand constant whining and crying... I'm constantly reminding myself to take a breath and dig deep for compassion.

But this revelation makes so much sense... the act of compassion usually triggers discomfort.

I hate being uncomfortable.  Okay, I mean, everyone does, sure.  But... I can't seem to do a plank for 60 seconds not because it's painful but I just don't like the feeling, so I stop.   I actively avoid discomfort where I can.  That's not a life well lived.  A good life includes discomfort which is almost always a side effect of growth.  I certainly don't want to stop growing.

So, here's to a little discomfort going a long way.

Learning my Daughter

I realized today... my oldest child (8 yrs) hates authority. Like-- yes, no kids enjoy authority, but she naturally hates it. There are very few teachers she likes, which is surprising because she is a good student, creative, avid reader, puts forth lots of effort.

And I wonder if this is because she is not seen for who she is inside versus on the outside. She identifies as an introvert. Maybe it's just some instinct--maybe she just she craves exploring things on her own.

I asked her today, "If you could have any type of lesson: dance, gymnastics, flute, piano, karate, anything... what would you pick?"

"Nothing." she said, "I'd pick going home and doing my own thing alone. I hate teachers telling me what to do."

I said, "But this would be a new teacher and different group of kids."

"I don't want ANOTHER teacher telling me what to do."

Very interesting conversation, wanted to get it all down.

Lucky Girl (me)

9 months up, 9 YEARS down.

I'm always torn about celebrating weight loss.  Yes, yes, yes, we want people to be healthy.
But is that really what most people are celebrating?  It seems to me most people are celebrating how someone LOOKS.  And I don't want to contribute to that celebration when there so much hard stuff we not only don't celebrate, but want women to shut up about.  (Birth is hard, nursing is hard, we like to talk about it!)
That said, losing weight can be tough work.  And for me, it was tough... and slow... and frustrating.  But certainly not even in the top 3-5 hardest obstacles I've overcome in the almost 9 years since I became a mom.

I found out I was pregnant in November 2006.  Now it's November 2015.

You know what they say... 9 months up... 9... years?... down.  Ah, well!

As I told my kids, I finally decided it was time for me to lose all the extra weight I  put on during 3 pregnancies because I couldn't swing all the fun physical tricks I used to do in my performing days.  I wanted to feel agile again.  It took knowing I was done having babies, and being done breastfeeding to finally feel motivated enough.

What did I do? Honestly?  I just ate less.  A lot less. About half of what I was eating.  I haven't been exercising nearly as much as I'd like, but I tracked my eating on My Fitness Pal every day from Dec 1- July 1 and then I just mentally tracked.  I didn't restrict any type of food.  (Though I have been a vegetarian since 2008).  Stopped eating 3-5 hrs before bed each night.  That's all.  Easier aid than done, but nothing complicated on paper.

I've lost 39 pounds in 11 months.

Here is me last year on my 35th birthday and today on my 36th... I'm about 75% of the way to my goal):

Here's to hard work and strength and joy! 

Time versus money

There is a new IKEA Christmas commercial out this year. It'll have you in tears.  Basically, they ask kids to write letters to Santa  asking for what they want then they ask them to write ,enters to their parents asking for what they want.  Almost all the kids ask their parents for more time together, dinner together, playing together, one whole entire day together.  Then they ask the kids if you could only give one of those letters, which would you give, and they say the one to their parents.

I cried.

But I thought about our family.  We spend a lot of time together. We have dinner every single night together.  We have family movie night ever single Friday and family breakfast every single Sunday morning.  We often spend an entire weekend just us, or at least one of the two days.

And so I'm not sure what my kids would write.  Because the complaints I hear from my oldest is that we don't have as nice of a car as her friends (it's 15 yrs old) or "we never do anything" or "why don't  we go out to dinner more" or "everyone else goes to Disney more than us", and so on.  She doesn't even always complain about this negatively, sometimes she is just curious.  Like when everyone gets those books at the Scolastic book fair at school that have the jewelry attached (ugh, those are like $12 for a flimsy book and bracelet and we could go to Claire's and get something better for less) and we tell her if she she wants something she has to use her own money.

This is the deal.

But... Watching that commercial, I feel validated, I feel like it's worth it to lack these things because obviously kids really just want their home and family and TIME.  We have two old cars that we wish we could replace, windows in our house are 35 yrs old and need replacing, I wish I could enroll my kids in dance lessons, we have the tightest budget of anyone in our inner and outer circles we know.  But... We aren't over scheduled.  We eat dinner together every night.  I know the names of everyone in all of my kids classes and see their teachers regularly.  I'm home to deal with sick kids or random stuff that comes up so we aren't sent into stressful chaos when a wrench is thrown.  I'm here.  It's a trade off for sure and it's a fine line... I won't say I don't get envious of new cars and dance lessons, but... I treasure knowing that the trade off translates into a calmer, more minimalist life, and (I hope) stronger relationships.

The snag is this... The kids who do have all that...usually don't realize what a great deal they have... They DO want the stuff! ;)

Cinderellas and Ugly Stepsisters

My 5 year old tells me no one will let her play with them at recess.

This daughter of mine has such a great attitude and personality, I envy it.

She is by nature very positive... Usually when you give her bad news, she immediately spins it to find a way to continue on with happiness.

Once, when she was 3, she asked her dad how a smoke detector works.  He said, "If there's smoke, it warns us by making a loud noise."  She looked up at her dad and said, "I love loud noises!"

Sure, she is prone to meltdown, gets tired easily... But in general, accepts people for who they are, never judges, and is open and willing to try new things.  This is all more impressive to me, because that is not necessarily how her older sister operates, so she isn't mimicking anyone here!

And no one will play with her? She saw 3 girls playing Cinderella and asked if she could join.  "No, you can't" ....she asked to join boys, more girls... Everyone said no.  It happened again today. My daughter, ever the optimist, made a funny joke: "I know! I'll just say to them, "Hey how about we play Cinderella? I'll do all the work and you can say mean things to me."  I should write this down as her first official stand-up set.

We had a long talk lastnight about this. Really long.

Here's what I came up with...

There are two kinds of people in the world... Cinderellas and Ugly Stepsisters.  Who do you want to be?  Ugly Stepsisters make people feel bad, they don't say thank you, they leave Cinderella out, they don't care about other people, and in the end no one likes them.  Cinderellas are kind even when people are mean to them, even when they are left out and have to eat their dinner all alone, even when they are sad they are kind, and in the end, they find love.

Be kind, even if people aren't nice to you. Don't let other people turn you into an Ugly Stepsister.  Stay a Cinderella.  Now, don't give away your friendship to someone who doesn't deserve it... Give your friendship to those who are deserving.  But... To those who are not?  Be kind.  Don't let them take away your magic.