A Full Circle Moment

This year my daughter started Kindergarten at XXX School.  Starting Kindergarten is one of those milestones that feels big, because somehow, the first day of Kindergarten seems to mark a leap ahead in the growing up process.  I can even remember going off to Kindergarten at Cohen Hillel Academy in Massachusetts in 1985... I wore mismatched socks to be like Punky Brewster and one of those plastic charm necklaces where the charms clipped on and off and you could trade with friends.  And jelly shoes... Of course jelly shoes.  My teacher was Mrs. Reiss Baker and I remember she talked to us with a very kind voice and I loved listening to her read us stories.

My daughter loves her teacher this year. Ms. Lewis has tons of energy and is getting them passionate about reading.  A few weeks into the year, our monthly PJ Library book arrived.  My kindergartener opened it, looked at the pictures and handed it to me, "Read it, mommy!"

I opened my mouth to read the title, and staring back at me, right there on the cover... "by Sharon Reiss Baker". What?! I did what anyone would do in 2015... I Googled her! Yep, she wrote it!  I read the book to my daughter and got a little teary-eyed.  I explained to her, "Do you know who wrote this book? My kindergarten teacher!  And here you are, my little kindergartener, reading a book written by your mommy's kindergarten teacher!"  That night, I used the email Google found on her writer's website and wrote to Mrs. Reiss Baker.  She replied the very next day and within her lovely letter said, "I loved seeing the picture of your daughter.  You do know that she looks incredibly like you as a kindergartener, right? In other words, adorable."

Oh, also? She told me I could call her "Sharon" now.  I guess I'm all grown up.

32 Questions I asked Daddy: By Zoe

I asked my oldest, Zoe (8), to interview her Daddy.  I am typing his answers as she asks...

maybe at a later date she can interview me and Dad can type my responses in another color!

Enjoy!  (And try it with your kids!)

Emily

INTERVIEW SOMEONE YOU LOVE ABOUT LIFE
Questions from Brendon Burchard

1. What comes to mind when you think about growing up in your hometown?

Dad: Riding my bike to school.  Walking down to Baskin Robbins to get ice cream and taking the short cut by Tilly's Pond.
Mom:  We moved to Coral Springs just before I turned 8.  Before that we were in Swampscott, MA-- we moved there when my mom got married to Joel when I was 3.  I remember playing in the backyard in Swampscott and being too afraid to learn to ride a bike-- the house was at the top of a very, very steep hill.   In Coral Springs, I think about the mall.  That was the biggest hangout--and all but one of my high school jobs were there.

2. What did you love to do as a kid, before high school?
Dad: Read and ride my bike all around town. (Darien, CT)
Mom:Hang out with my friends at their houses, especially at Rachel's house because her mom always had amazing snacks and I loved Rachel's room.

3. What did you love to do in high school?
Dad:  Hang out with my friends, play the piano, write poems.  My year in Germany I loved to play soccer and hang out with my German friends.
Mom:  Drama club, drama club, drama club.  All my friends were in Drama Club, love interests all in drama club... we'd hang out on the weekends and play improv games.

4. What do remember most about your teenage years?
Dad: I liked laughing and having fun and being outside.
Mom:  Performing and pursuing boys.

5. What do you remember most about your mom?
Dad: She always liked trying to make different kinds of food.  She was always inviting people over.
Mom:  She always was happy to have all my friends over.  She didn't mind if we were loud even late into the night.  She would sometimes be silly and she was always involved with Drama Club, usually selling tickets at the booth-- she came to every performance.

6. What was most important to her?
Dad: Making sure we had fun and did things together.
Mom:  As she said, being "a lady".

7. What do you remember most about your dad?
Dad: He was very hard working and he always got up early.
Mom:  Well, I only met him once when I was 16, but the impression I got was that he was arrogant and not very smart.  I remember thinking, "Thank god my mom didn't marry this dude."

8. What was most important to him?
Dad: Treating people with respect.
Mom:  No idea. Football, maybe? His 4 sons all went into football.

9. If your parents had a message to you and their grandchildren, what do you think it is?
Dad: Work hard and play hard.
Mom:  Hmm... good question.  Maybe "Work hard and say please & thank you."

10. How did you meet mommy/daddy and know s/he was the one?
Dad:  She was introduced to me by a friend (Ray) and we had really awesome conversations, that's how I knew.
Mom:  I was working on the ship (Voyager) and Ray told me I was like the female version of his friend Seth.  He put me on the phone with him one day in port and I left a voicemail.  Then Seth called me in my cabin and we talked for 4 hours.  (July 2003)  I knew he was the one, because at a certain point I realized he was the only male I'd ever met who thought I was really funny AND sexy.   It has always been either/or.  He really saw me.  (He also wasn't rattled by me-- he was super smart and sharp and I didn't have to go easy on him). :)

11. How did you choose your career and what was your favorite part about it?
Dad: I decided to do what I'm best at.  Favorite part is working with other people.
Mom:  I decided to do the one thing I knew I was really good at-- performing.  Ultimately, I realized the lifestyle of depending on other people to hire me every 6 months did not fit with my personality and made me feel anxious, so being my own boss is my favorite way to do this.  My fav part if I'm honest is getting a good authentic laugh from the audience.

12. What made you successful at work?
Dad: Not giving up, even when it's inconvenient.
Mom:  Always trying again and NOT aiming for perfection.  Aiming for perfection means nothing gets done.

13. What did you believe about yourself that helped you become successful and deal with hard times?
Dad:  That nothing is so bad I couldn't overcome it.
Mom:  I am one of the most resourceful people I know.  If there is something I need, I will find a way to get it using what I know or what I have to work with.  I plan ahead, I'm flexible, and I do believe that if I come across an obstacle, ultimately the universe is just blocking a path I am not supposed to go down.  I try to repeat the mantra "The universe is always conspiring in my favor."  One example of this is that had I got my dream job (which I auditioned for three different times) the first time, I would have met Daddy because he was on the ship then. But, at that time,  I was in the middle of a rocky relationship and so was he--the timing would have been bad... but by the time I got the job, I was out of that relationship, got to learn the job without him there--and then meet him a  few months later.

14. What times in your life truly “tested your mettle,” and what did you learn about yourself by dealing (or not dealing) with them?
Dad:  Having children made the military look like a cakewalk.  I learned if I didn't give up I could do things I previously thought only some people could do.
Mom:  All 3 of my labors/births.  I learned that being scared or in pain isn't a litmus test of whether I can or cannot do something.  Also financially hard/scary times-- I learned nothing is permanent and as long as you keep taking action steps you can move forward.

15. What three events most shaped your life?

Dad:  1.  Birth of my children  2.  Quitting college (Ohio Univ)  3.  Moving to Pittsburgh
Mom: 1.  Going to Penn State   2.    Meeting daddy     3.  Becoming a mother

16. What do you remember about when each of us was born?
Dad:  What mom said below.
Mom:  Oy!  Everything!  Go read each of your birth stories taped inside your baby books!  Daddy's thoughts are there, too!  But as a teaser: Zoe's red hair really surprised us, I was in a blissed out state after Teagan was born, and Richmond took soooooooooo long.

17. Were you ever scared to be a parent?
Dad: No, not scared.  I'm very rarely scared.
Mom:  No.  Maybe anxious, but not scared.

18. What three words would you say represented your approach to parenting and why?
Dad:  Patience.  Sacrifice. Love.
Mom:  Follow your gut.  When I was pregnant with Zoe, someone said "Read everything you can on birth and parenting, then follow your gut."  Best advice ever.  It's really good to have all the info.  But, then just go with your gut.  Daddy and I weren't into childproofing-- it was fine.  We co-slept-- and everyone eventually made it back to their own bed.  We foster more independence, less extracurricular activities than the norm--- and I really like how our kids are turning out-- so-- do what works for your family!

19. When you think about [sibling] how would you describe him?
Dad and Mom both said this was a weird question to answer.

20. What message do you have for the siblings that you want him to always keep in mind?

Dad & Mom: Stay close always!!!!  Please!  Be best friends!  Take care of each other.

21. When you think about [spouse], how would you describe her/him?

Dad:  Emily is full of love for her family and friends.  She is an amazing organizer and planner and she always makes sure everyone gets taken care of.

Mom: Seth is super secure in who he is, I really admire it. And it is almost impossible to embarrass him.  He is terrific with people, he is never uncomfortable.  And he is my rock.

22. What message do you have for [spouse] that you want her/him to always keep in mind?
Mom:  You are my favorite person in the world.  I admire who you are (even if you go slow). ;)
Dad:  I always want to be close to you.  You are so smart and funny and talented, and I would mope around the world without you.

23. What three words would you say best describe who you tried to be in life and how you want to be remembered?

Dad:  Kind, Funny, Weird (in no particular order)

Mom: Oy, 3 words to be remembered? I don't know... I'd love to be able to say kind, but I'm working on that.  I suppose 3 realistic words would be resourceful, loyal, and authentic.

24. When they think about their careers, what do you want your children to focus on?

Dad:  Whatever you work at doing/being,  - work hard, authentically, and keep up a constant conversation with others.  If it doesn't feel right - Don't wait for a "good time" to change your course.

Mom:  Try to work at something that doesn't feel like work. That doesn't mean "be happy" or "do what you're good at" necessarily. I'm good at plenty of things I don't enjoy.  But what is your perspective and expertise that is unique that the world needs?  What feels like your authentic place in the world?

25. What have you learned about other people in life? 
Mom:  Everyone has their own baggage.  I've learned that I have the best chance of connecting to someone by opening up and being my authentic self.
Dad:  Everyone needs love.  Be a good listener, and offer your best self to others.  Unless you're trying to avoid them, in which case do so completely.  It never feels good being a fake.

26. What do you think the world needs more of right now?

Dad:  (Love in the form of...) Cooperation.  Since the beginning of time, we lose what we don't work together to preserve, protect and enjoy.

Mom: Well, I'm cheating because I just saw is fabulous video called the adaptable mind..l and I'd agree with that video, we need: curiosity, creativity, initiative, multi-disciplinary thinking, and empathy. Empathy most of all.

27. What do you believe people want the most in life?

Dad:  Someone to share things with.

Mom: Love and validation.

28. What were the three best decisions you’ve ever made?

Dad:  Marrying Emily, dropping out of graduate school at Pitt (to pursue alternate studies), quitting my full-time teaching position at Manchester Elementary.

Mom: see number 15. :)

29. What are you most proud of in life?
Dad:  All 3 Children - Really our whole family,  Showing people the real me,  figuring out what I'm best at (trying to do ONLY/MOSTLY that is my current challenge).
Mom:  The family I've created with daddy.  Inwardly, I'm proud of my authenticity and resourcefulness.

30. What were five of the most positive moments of your life?
Dad:  Are you crazy?  That's a whole novel, or graduate study, or anything way bigger than one question on a list of 32.  Let's see - Birth of my children - that's 1, 2, 3.  Nothing comes close to that, but it was amazing to train and perform with Cirque du Soleil.  Starting BFTC, our theatre company will beget many more positive moments i'm sure.  I can't scan and categorize moments like that, it seems unnatural and dumb.
Mom:  This is too many questions, and I even LIKE questions!  We just saw the movie "Inside Out"... this makes me think of "core memories"... I'd say a huge shining moment for me was April 20, 2002 when I performed my one-woman Cabaret.  I worked very hard on that and I think it paid off and I got a wonderful response.  Another way completing our first show with our theatre company Bona Fide Theatre Company)... we produced it, I co-directed it, starred in it, marketed it--all with a 6 month old baby... it was a lot of work, but again--got an amazing response and showed me we can do anything.  And I'd say finding out we were pregnant each time was very positive and thrilling.  I also have special moment with my children all the time.

31. What message would you like to share with your family?
Dad:  You are the most vital thing to me (THE thing to cherish & protect).  I want to be with you above all else.  You are my home.
Mom:  That they sustain me.  That I love them and need them more than they can know, and I know I need to work on compassion, so thanks for loving me despite my crap. ;)  You guys are the best.

32. What are you most thankful for?
Dad:  Emily, Zoe, Teagan, Richmond.  The opportunity to be & experience life together.  The awareness that everything I want and strive for - I want to together with my family.
Mom:  Truly, Seth and my kids. My family.  I've wanted to build an awesome family like this since I was a little girl and it's amazing to be living in it.