The end of my career

Well.. That's it, I think.

The last time I will ever nurse a baby.

I've been ready to completely wean my 3rd child for over a month, but feel so guilty.  Especially since it's my last baby, it's just so surreal to know I'll never breastfeed again.

Don't get me wrong... I'm pretty sure I won't miss the actual breast feeding at all... But I know I will miss the moments right after... Snuggling in, sweet, sleepy faces.  The forced quiet time.  The bubble around me and my child.  Connecting.  Dozing off (both of us).

I've weaned twice before, but how is it I dont really remember the last time?  Well, I do with my first child, she weaned herself.  Two nights in a row  she shook her head, signed "all done" and said "bye bye boobies!"

Well... Tonight was the end of my breast feeding career. Over seven years long start to finish. I had a couple years of reprieve in there, but all in all it adds up to about 4 years.  Plus 3 pregnancies.  

Wow.  

When I weaned my babies the the first two times it didn't feel like I was losing something. Now? It's like today I was the mom of babies ... Tomorrow I have big kids?  It feels strange.  Like I'm on the outskirts of the club.., I'm a breast feeding supporter, but I'm no longer a breast feeding mom.  So strange.  I didn't know a thing about breast feeding 8 years ago... Now I've been through the hellish parts more than once... The sweet parts... The milestones... And I'm done?  I'm done.

I suppose the best thing I can do is share this parting thought... 7 years ago, I was just trying to get to the 6 week mark.  It was awful, it was painful, I felt lost, and stressed, and defeated.  There were so many obstacles. If only I could have flashed exactly 7 years into the future and know I'd put in 4 years and cry when it was over!

I wish I could get a Breastfeeding diploma and hang it on the wall, because that was some serious 4 years. ;). Or have a little pedometer on the clips in my nursing bras to see the logged openings and closings of the "milk bar"!

Tonight I am wishing all the nursing moms out there a little bit o' love.  

Tapped out,

Emily ;)

Three nights before "the last night". I love that he still looks so tiny when he nurses even though he's almost 15 months here.