(As I try to finish this post 2 months later I have scrolled and scrolled and cannot find it... I may have deleted it after the 7th unsupportive comment afterall)... but it basically was a sleep deprived rant about my 8 month old baby who was waking 7-8 times per night and sometimes taking up to 90 minutes to get back down... in it, I referred to him as a "fucking hellion". Mother of the year? No. But.... I am sure worse things have been said when seriously sleep deprived and upset. Here is a similar one I think I posted a few days before:
A taste of our nightly hell... (not an uncommon night, either)
Baby woke (and stayed awake for awhile) at 9:30, 11:10, 12:45, 2am, 3:15, 4am, 5:30 and cried until 7:02 despite many efforts.
He sucks.
PS- Don't get cocky, our first two kids were much better sleepers.
A taste of our nightly hell... (not an uncommon night, either)
Baby woke (and stayed awake for awhile) at 9:30, 11:10, 12:45, 2am, 3:15, 4am, 5:30 and cried until 7:02 despite many efforts.
He sucks.
PS- Don't get cocky, our first two kids were much better sleepers.
It was 7am... My 8 month old had been up screaming 5 of the last 9 hours... Through my husband bouncing with him on the exercise ball, nursing (quiet for most if that, but awake), singing, rocking, even jumping in place... And, yes, even trying him alone in the crib. He had also woken both of our older kids up at least once. And this has been going on for weeks.
I know there are moms reading this who know what's coming. You get standard responses to a post like this. More on that in a minute.
First of all, I choose to share the good and bad on my Facebook page. Sarah Tuttle-Singer wrote a terrific piece about this. It's not my highlight real, it's MY page. I have a friend who can no longer look at the hashtag #blessed any longer it's become so meaningless... It's too comical to be gracious now.
"Yay! New car for Xmas! #blessed"
"Love my boys! #blessed"
"Finally pooped! #blessed #constipationsucks"
Anyway... I wrote that status through a blur of tears, frustration and sleep deprivation. I posted in in haste. Post haste! And I should have expected the typical responses one gets from something like this:
1. Unsolicited advice- any mommy complaint is viewed as 75% of other moms as a starting gun to start spewing advice (ps- I am guilty if this, too)
2. The one upper- why you shouldn't complain about thrush because they had thrush, mastitis, and the stomach flu all at once
3. The validaters ( my fav)- it sucks, hang in there, I feel yas
4. The judgers (my least fav)- "you shouldn't be letting him poop in his diaper, you're spoiling him!"
I don't like silencing mothers when they are in their hardest times. Who cares if they call their baby an asshole in the midst of crying and trying to manage 3-5 people? Let it out, I say. Let it out so the steam goes out of the situation and she can start to laugh about it. Let it out so she doesn't start resenting everyone. I was so dismayed by the responses I got chastising me for referring to my baby as a "fucking hellion" in a POST-- not aloud. If you don't have kids I don't expect you to get it. If you do, and you've NEVER referred to them using some kind of name or curse-- to your spouse or close friend... well, good for you. But those aren't the kind of friends I need. I need the ones I can be uncensored with and lead me to laughter. I'm not interested in having a polite family, or polite friends. I'm interested in authenticity, connectedness, love.
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